A letter to my cat

Dear Frodo,

I'm jotting you this note in the interests of protecting our relationship.  We've been together seven or eight years, and I have reached the conclusion that I am doing the things necessary to maintain our relationship, but you are not doing your part.  I feed you, keep you inside when it is cold outside, and take you to the vet when you need a rabies shot.  (I know you don't care for that, but it's important.)  I pet you every day, even when you dig your claws into my leg.  On the rare occasions when I leave town, I make sure that there is someone to look after you and feed you.

I don't ask much from you.  Most of what I do ask, you handle just fine.  I asked you not to throw up on the pillow in the spare room - like our old cat did - and you've complied.  I ask you to do your business either outside, or in the kitty box, and you do that just fine.  I don't think you've had an accident. 

But I need more.  Your job is to protect the house, and the yard, and the moles are getting out of hand.  There are at least three of them that need your attention.  Our old dog helped with that, and I think you should be able to do the same.  You outweigh them by a factor of eight or ten, and you have claws and some rather sharp teeth.

So, that's your assignment.  Save me from having to go dig in the dirt with the four mole traps that are rusting on the shelf in the garage.  Go to it.  By the way, there is something in it for you.  I have my eye on some catnip, and if you can accomplish this simple task, I'll arrange for it to find it's way to your bed.

Thanks,

Bill